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Sunday, September 5, 2010

Rivermont Pizza - Lynchburg, Virginia

Your lookin good, Lynchburg!  With your inexplicable fountain, your abundance of Chick-fil-A's, your high population of evangelical extremists, and, oh, I don't know, your LYNCHING.  WTFS!?  Who names their town after what they're contraversially big fans of?  I think "Ifyou'reapersonofcolorwedon'trecommendyousetfoothereburg" has a nicer ring to it.  Well, in all fairness, it's really named after some dude named John Lynch, who like, built a bridge or some shit, and I guess if you're the dude who's responsible for the town bridge, than you get to name the town.  I also heard this dude loved killing black people. 

Lynchburg is also famous for being the only city in Virginia not to fall to the Yankees during the civil war, and they accomplished this in a way that somehow involved prostitutes.  NOYYCE!

Anyway, let's talk pizza.  The dudes over at Rivermont Pizza do it right, and I'm not just saying that because we never have to pay for the food.  I was a pizza maker for over seven years, so I kiiind of know what I'm talking about.  First off, they have a FANTASTIC draft beer selection, so that's gonna make your pizza taste better right from the get go.  Upon this last visit, I was introduced to Crispin, a reaallly dry cider that is recommended served over ice .  It was awesome, and pretty soon all of your girlfriends will be ordering this(right before you smoosh eachother!! *high five*).

They also have a good water supply(Pedlar Resevoir and the James River) which is puh-retty fucking crucial to good pizza dough.  They use a wood-fire oven, and their crust leans more to the chewy side than the crispy.  This time around me and the boys got the Q:  spinach, ricotta, caramelized onion, and we subbed fresh jalepeno for the ground beef;  and the Philadelphia Tofu Hoagie:  sweet chilli sauce, fried tofu, carrots, bean sprouts, jalepeno, and cilantro.  Now, the second pizza I mentioned is based on a hoagie that you can get in West Philly, and it will have it's own blog post next time we hit that joint -- crucial band nom nom.  So yeah, I'm sure you can tell by reading those combinations of toppings that our faces were fucked properly.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention that probly what puts their pizza on a whole nother level than anything else you've had before, is that their pizza makers are magical leperchauns.  Seriously, this is an ACTUAL picture(from the Men of Rivermont Pizza 2010 Calendar) of our pizza dude:

AWWWWWW!!!  The little dude is sitting in a MIXING BOWL!  *tears*  We actually keep this picture up in our pracitce space whenever we need that little boost of artistic inspiration.

Annyywaayyyz, I can't imagine anyone who reads my jam would ever randomly find themselves in Lynchburg, but if you do, check out Rivermont Pizza, because they're good shits.


  1. Another fine specimen, Jon. You're doing the Lord's work here.

  2. start eating meat again.