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Sunday, August 22, 2010

Me So Hongover! Pt. 1

So we don't have a show for another week or so, so I think I'll just have to start the first of many segments pertaining to the shit you should eat/drink if you're hungover!  First things first, if you can feel your heartbeat in your eyeballs, you can either a) get drunk again(aka "hair of the dog" - which people say is just having AH drink to feel better, but let's not shit ourselves, people)  b) SCUD the fuck out, which is basically get high, eat garbage, and watch Anchorman or c)  engage the B.R.A.Y. system of feeling like a champion!  Let's leave options a and b for another day and talk about the system that's conveniently named after me!

B - Bring on the nutrients, son!  So if you're gonna try and put the bits and pieces together after a night of epic proportions, you gotta pound some healthy shit before you move onto caffeine.  Two healthy jam pieces I recommend:

Coconut water!!!  Vitamin C?  Potassium?  Magnesium?  Calcium?  Uh -- yes on all counts, so get the fuck out of my face before I punch yours.  First timers always react weird to the flavor of coconut, so I recommend peach & mango to start you off.  Hydrate naturally, bitches!

Hippie Drank!  This shit tastes absolutely AWFUL, but it has magic shit in it that gets the toxins out of you, and by that I mean it gets you sweaty and makes you poop weird.

R - Reckon you should get some caffeine in ya, dawg!  Iced coffee with a double shot of espresso is usually the way I like to get amped the fuck up, occasionally followed by a red bull in certain situations. 

A - Asian buffets!  Fuck sitting down and waiting to dog on some shit, you need it now!  I love to fuck up an Indian lunch buffet.  Load up on some naan and curry, my man!  Oh, crispy shit?  You bet!  Who's to say your first round can't be just a huge plate of peckoras with raita?  And don't forget about a samosa with mango chutney, or else, well, uhmm... or else you'll feel like a dumb ass for not getting something so tasty.

Shitty Chinese food buffet is also great because MSG loves to put a hangover in its place.  Be sure to eat one or ten of these:

Excuse me, but I believe your genitals are drooling *hands paper towel*.

Y - Yeah, you should probably drink another cup of coffee before your shift starts.

God speed, my champions!


  1. Jon: I think you're really settling into your narrative voice here. Nicely done, son.

  2. my usual cure involves some of that "Revive"-flavored vitamin water shit (it comes in extra-large bottles), plus a fuck-ton of Mexican food. followed closely by a deep-ass afternoon nap, if possible.

    also 2+ advil before bed is crucial, but more or less impossible to remember when you really need it.